I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this will be a night to untag.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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