Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
