we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
