I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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