the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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