You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
