You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
