I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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