cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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