I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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