the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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