ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
