Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
