i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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