Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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