I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize