took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
