yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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