i just wanna soil my oats bro
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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