So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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