I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My cat gives me a boner
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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