Please, let me fuck your mom
and you said cock pushups were impossible
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's shark week go big or go home
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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