i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
