D3 body, D1 cock
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did we literally take a cab across the street
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
