Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
