we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize