hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
