Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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