He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
