I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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