end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
