This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
