We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
