Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's the barista slut.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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