Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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