I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
