apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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