Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize