I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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