Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
