i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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