What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
