I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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