You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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