Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
