I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
