So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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