I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
