Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
