You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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