I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
