But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I can text with my tongue
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
