There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
