took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
