i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
