doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
