Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
