Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize