At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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