he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize