I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
