that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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