my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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